I hate looking back at whatâ€™s happened,
I hate seeing you & wanting to talk,
I hate it when you look at me like you have something to say,
I hate being reminded of you by every song that I listen to,
I hate seeing other couples loved up & thinking of what we could have had,
I hate that you didnâ€™t give me a chance to prove how much I love you,
I hate how you through it all away,
Though itâ€™s still not too late, after everything youâ€™ve put me through,
Baby if you could only see Iâ€™d be the luckiest girl in the world.
If I had you by my side as a friend let alone anything else,
I would have done anything to have that,
I would have fought away the world to be with you if you were willing to take me, who am I fooling?
I hate that I wasnâ€™t even with you & you still broke my heart.
I never had you yet I feel as though I have lost you forever.
Iâ€™m slowly fading away, slowly dying,
& what hurts the most is that you know youâ€™re killing me,
But youâ€™re still letting me die, you could have saved me.
Baby why canâ€™t you see what you mean to me,
Why canâ€™t you see that Iâ€™m so weak without you?
Why canâ€™t you see that when you smile you make my day?
When you look away I feel the pain from deep inside,
I know weâ€™ll never be anything,
Because you donâ€™t want it that way,
But if by Allah you could just be a friend to me,
I wouldnâ€™t ask for anything more from this world.
I wouldnâ€™t ask anything more of you,
Just for once â€œJessâ€, please just try and understand,
Thereâ€™s girl loves you with all her heart,
Please just this once, donâ€™t break me.
Donâ€™t make me cry myself to sleep tonight,
Keep me awake smiling thinking of you.
Just this once, reply to my text knowing its me texting you,
Just this once smile at me when you see me,
I may not get a chance like this again,
You might go and Iâ€™ll always look back with hurt,
Please change that to me looking back knowing you wanted to be my friend,
You know youâ€™re special to me but youâ€™re still letting it go.
Just this once Iâ€™m asking you to be my friend thatâ€™s all Iâ€™m asking,
I need a friend right now, I need you,
My eyes are tired of crying,
My heart is tired of hurting
& my mind is tired of thinking.
I canâ€™t go on like this,
Its just as painful if not more painful than knowing you donâ€™t feel the same.
Iâ€™m ill; youâ€™re my biggest weakness,
Baby if only you could see me now,
I just wonder if youâ€™d think different,
Or if youâ€™d just laugh – just like the world does…
This is the last chance Iâ€™m giving you,
This is the last chance you have to mend my broken heart,
The last chance you have to make me smile, please do,
Let me remember you as the one that made me smile and took away my pain,
Donâ€™t allow me to look back thinking you were the one that made me cry,
The one that put a stop to my life,
The one reason to why I took my life.
….I love you, but you donâ€™t care….
If you donâ€™t fix things now,
Then Iâ€™ve lost you forever,
& if I loose you forever,
Life wouldnâ€™t be worth living anymore,
All I want to do is die in your arms….
I can see you sitting there
Youâ€™ve just walked in
Youâ€™ve chosen to sit in front of me
Youâ€™re sitting next to another girl
But youâ€™re still watching me from the corner of your eye
Sheâ€™s lucky you next to her
It scares me to think of the possibilities
The possibility of you two falling for each other
Youâ€™re a perfect match
Unlike you & I…itâ€™ll never happen
Sheâ€™s twice as lovely
Iâ€™m trying to do some revision
But I seem to be focusing on you.
Youâ€™re still watching me & Iâ€™m still watching you
We both know itâ€™s pointless
Sheâ€™s started to talk to you
You respond smiling the same smile I could die for
She smiles back, her face brightens
My face darkens with pain
I feel a sudden headache start
Your eyes are fixed on each other
Then you laugh & turn away
She knows your feeling for her…& so do I
I know she wants your attention
I know youâ€™re giving it to her
Sheâ€™s everything Iâ€™m not, why wouldnâ€™t you go for her?
The thought kills me
I slowly place my head down & wrap my arms
Around it until I see total darkness
I hear your chair turn
You must have looked at me before turning back
I look up again & just miss you
Your silent, I canâ€™t work out why
What hides behind your smile?
A big heart or a big head?
Just wish I knew what youâ€™re really like
I thought you were different
So why do you seem the same…
I know I love you but the more I get to know you
The more I wish I hadnâ€™t fallen for you
I spent the rest of the lesson with my head down
You spent the rest of the lesson in silence
What were you thinking?
Youâ€™ve become serious â€“ it makes me feel guilty
The lesson ends & the bell rings
I lift my head â€“ you quickly leave
I slowly walk out after you….
What will the next lesson be like…?
For it is soon, I fear whatâ€™ll happen…
I donâ€™t need the extra stress,
Yet I have brought it upon myself…
I know what I feel, just afraid to say it…
Since you canâ€™t hear me…
Iâ€™ll say it silently…
I think I love you…
When Iâ€™m gone,
Tell him how much I loved him,
Tell him what he meant to me,
&tell him how much he hurt me.
Tell him about all the time I wasted,
Tell him how the end result was a broken heart
& tell him how much I cried.
Tell him how much I worried over him getting hurt,
Tell him how much I prayed for his safety,
& tell him how I tried to protect him.
Tell him how seeing him killed me,
Tell him about the hurt I had to live with
&tell him that I thought he didnâ€™t care.
Tell him how long I waited for his texts,
Tell him how tempted I was to call
&tell him how I wanted to talk to him.
Tell him how much I wanted to scream,
Tell him how much the pain over whelmed me
&tell him how I was hardly living.
Tell him how I couldnâ€™t concentrate,
Tell him how I couldnâ€™t eat
&tell him how I couldnâ€™t sleep.
Tell him about all my diaries,
Tell him about all the poems I wrote
& tell him about all those letters.
Tell him about all the blades I used,
Tell him about all the blood that poured
&tell him about all the overdoses I took.
Tell him how my health disintegrated,
Tell him how ill I became
& tell him how many times I tried to take my life.
Tell him how I couldnâ€™t handle the pain,
Tell him how I couldnâ€™t tolerate the hurt
&tell him how I thought life was nothing without him.
Tell him when Iâ€™m gone,
Tell him until he understands
&tell him until he feels what I felt.
Tell him I loved him,
Tell him I love him,
&tell him I always will.
Tell him Iâ€™ll be waiting for him,
Tell him Iâ€™ll be up there somewhere watching over him,
&tell him Iâ€™ll be praying that he joins me one day,
But make sure you tell him when Iâ€™m gone!
When they ask why Iâ€™m down
I tell them Iâ€™m not & everythingâ€™s fine
When they read my expression & see that Iâ€™m upset
I tell them that Iâ€™m just a little stressed about school work
When they see me laugh they fall for my act
As i cover up whatâ€™s really bothering me with lies
When I smile at them they smile back with relief
As I hide the tears in my eyes
When I cry I tell them the screen is hurting my eyes
When I cry I tell them the sun is shinning very bright
When my eyes are red from all the tears I tell them
I havenâ€™t had much sleep staying up late to complete work
When they listen to everything I tell them
They read in-between the lines
They still know the truth
They know whatâ€™s on my mind when Iâ€™m silent
They know not to question for itâ€™s only a matter of time
They say time is a healer; no amount of time will be able to heal me
Not this time round, Iâ€™ve been defeated, I feel like such a fool
I shouldnâ€™t have said what I had…
For you didnâ€™t appreciate what you meant to me
Not once did you put yourself in my position and see…
Iâ€™m still so unsure of what to do when I see you
I want you to know how much youâ€™ve hurt me…
But I want to show you that youâ€™ve let the best thing
That every happened to you go…
You never gave me a chance & one day someone will do the same
Maybe then youâ€™ll know what lies behind my expression
Maybe then youâ€™ll see just how much you hurt me…
I donâ€™t know why but I still love you….and I still cry…
I donâ€™t understand you u donâ€™t care!
I donâ€™t understand why you just let me pass by,
I donâ€™t understand why you canâ€™t see how much I love you.
I donâ€™t understand why there has to be rules,
I donâ€™t understand how you can see my hurting & not care.
I donâ€™t understand how you can stand by while I break down,
I donâ€™t understand why everything reminds me of you.
I donâ€™t understand why nothing lets me forget about you,
I donâ€™t understand why I told u.
I donâ€™t understand why I listened to everyone,
I donâ€™t understand why I canâ€™t hear a word against you.
I donâ€™t understand why you said what you said,
I donâ€™t understand why it hurts so much.
I donâ€™t understand why Iâ€™m weak,
I donâ€™t understand why Iâ€™m not strong enough.
I donâ€™t understand why no one cares,
I donâ€™t understand why you havenâ€™t told everyone.
I donâ€™t understand why you give me those looks,
I donâ€™t understand why your so attention seeking.
I donâ€™t understand why you canâ€™t look away,
I donâ€™t understand why you try to avoid me.
I donâ€™t understand why you donâ€™t see he hurt in my eyez,
I donâ€™t understand why you never gave us a chance.
I donâ€™t understand why you reacted the way u did,
I donâ€™t understand why vie become so depressed.
I donâ€™t understand why I cry over you,
I donâ€™t understand why I canâ€™t stop listening to those tracks.
I donâ€™t understand why I canâ€™t stop crying,
I donâ€™t understand why you wonâ€™t let it work.
I donâ€™t understand why you donâ€™t understand,
I donâ€™t understand why you become friendly with the girls when Iâ€™m there.
I donâ€™t understand why I canâ€™t get you out my head,
I donâ€™t understand why my heart refuses to let go.
I donâ€™t understand why I love you so much,
I donâ€™t understand why Iâ€™m so attached to you.
I donâ€™t understand why I thought you were different,
I donâ€™t understand why you turned out to be the same.
I donâ€™t understand why it hurt me so much,
I donâ€™t understand why I let you get to me.
I donâ€™t understand why youâ€™re able to confuse me so easily,
I donâ€™t understand why I canâ€™t stop thinking of you.
I donâ€™t understand why your making me suffer,
I donâ€™t understand why you donâ€™t care when you know how I feel.
I donâ€™t understand why you laugh at me,
I donâ€™t understand why I get so paranoid around you.
I donâ€™t understand why I think your friends know something they shouldnâ€™t,
I donâ€™t understand why I start to shake when youâ€™re near.
I donâ€™t understand why I get butterflies when I see you,
I donâ€™t understand why you tried to talk to me.
I donâ€™t understand why I couldnâ€™t tell you what I wanted to say,
I donâ€™t understand why you never asked me what it is I wanted to say.
I donâ€™t understand why you never text me when you said you would,
I donâ€™t understand why you donâ€™t want to be my friend.
I donâ€™t understand why you are the way you are.
I donâ€™t understand why you donâ€™t love me,
I canâ€™t understand why you would,
I can understand why you wouldnâ€™t,
Surely you can then understand why Iâ€™m dying.
This yearning in my heart
This confusion in my mind
The words left unspoken
Haunts me all the time
Everyday I watch pass by
With an emptiness in my life
& a hole in my heart
Where only you belong